1) It’s in the mantelpieces. Whatever you do, don’t sneeze!
2) The doctor must assemble an impossible sandwich.
4) A strange melancholy settles over Leighton Buzzard. The cause is an actual buzzard, source of the town’s psychic identity, which is lonely. The doctor brings many buzzards in his Tardis and introduces them to the local ecosystem.
5) Autocorrect starts happening to things in reality. The Tardis turns into Tarsus.
6) Tiny black holes start appearing everywhere. They are growing steadily and will soon swallow all of reality. Nothing whatsoever can be done.
7) Buffy crossover. Sarah Michelle Gellar has turned into a middle-aged Republican. The Doctor attempts to reverse time and bring back the 1990s, but fails and instead the Conservatives are re-elected on a time-loop forever.
8) David Lynch-directed episode.
9) Robot Karl Marx in Highgate Cemetery.
10) The Doctor’s sex organs are not at all what you expected.
11) Children in Need Special, with killer Pudsey.
12) Christmas Special: boils.